Adapting to adoption

Adapting to adoption

Adapting to adoption - Dr Shubhangi Parkar says several foster moms suffer from depression and wish facilitate

 New oldsters have heard concerning the 'the baby blues' or post partum depression. however apart from that, there's one thing else that is a smaller amount mentioned and hits several oldsters who adopt a toddler. most of the people don't seem to be attentive to Post-Adoption Depression Syndrome or PADS, that affects several adoptive moms within the town, says Dr Shubhangi Parkar, Head of Department of Psychiatric at KEM.

It is a part of self-doubt, inadequacy and a way of detachment from the adopted kid. When a lady conceives she has 9 months to organize for the arrival of a toddler and motherhood. In adoption, a lady attains motherhood unexpectedly. "It typically comes too quickly," Dr Parkar says. Baby shock is very onerous on a brand new adoptive mother. She is also unable to attach with the kid or develop an attachment towards it. to create it worse, there'll be feelings of guilt concerning this. She conjointly begins to doubt her call to adopt the baby. Criticism or comments from family and friends might create the sentiments of inadequacy worse.

 whereas post partum depression is caused primarily by hormonal imbalance and generally lasts for up to 2 weeks, PADS is unquestionably not hormonal and may last for much longer.

Causes: a number of the environmental cause is also identical as they're in case of childbirth, such as, adjusting to the truth, modification of schedule and lack of sleep. however adoptive oldsters generally feel an emotional letdown when the intensity of emotions concerned in adoption. several adoptive oldsters conjointly hold themselves to higher and unrealistic standards that the majority biological oldsters don't. They believe they are doing not have the proper to complain concerning any facet of parenting.

 typically PADS is additionally caused in ladies who are forced to adopt. Dr Parkar says some ladies merely cannot settle for adopted youngsters as their own. She has, in 2 cases, requested ladies to come their youngsters as she thought it had been the simplest choice for each mother and also the kid.

 Parkar says that significantly in country like India social aspects complicate the difficulty. Some individuals believe they're destined to be kidless and carry this dangerous luck forward into the lifetime of the adopted child. over and over relatives raise caste problems and lift questions about the genealogy of the kid that additional makes it tough for folks to just accept the kid.

It is dealt with: Luckily, simply as post partum depression recedes and may be taken care of, therefore will PADS. Parkar says support from the spouse and family will facilitate the mother improve her shallowness and provides her strength to wear down the new state of affairs. It helps to understand that what she is laid low with isn't uncommon. Hence, taking skilled facilitate or joining a support cluster will facilitate.

Keep a positive attitude: understand that bonding and attachment are slow processes. Learn to wait and see. offer yourself and your kid your time to be along.

Keep pesky relatives at bay: When attending a family operate, settle for solely those invites that welcome your new kid. Avoid gatherings which will end up to be uncomfortable for you and your kid. And once you have developed a repot along with your kid and are assured concerning your relationship, it would not create a lot of of a distinction what individuals ought to say concerning your kid. Enroll in a very parentchild play cluster. Active play can facilitate lower frustration levels for each of you and conversation with different adults can cause you to feel higher concerning your call.

Adapting to adoption

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Verbal abuse bad for kids’ development

Verbal abuse bad for kids’ development

Verbal abuse bad for kids’ development - The children's rhyme "Sticks and stones can break my bones however names can never hurt me" isn't true, say kid abuse specialists.

 They claimed verbal abuse may well be simply as harmful to a child's development as a physical attack, the Daily categorical reported.

 "Yelling at a toddler each day and giving the message that the kid may be a terrible person, which the parent regrets bringing the kid into this world, is an example of a doubtless terribly harmful interaction," said Dr Harriet MacMillan, professor of psychiatry at McMaster University in Canada.

 this way of psychological abuse will occur in many varieties of families, however is a lot of common in homes with multiple stresses, as well as family conflict, mental health problems, physical violence, depression or substance abuse.

 Her study appeared within the journal Paediatrics.

Verbal abuse bad for kids’ development

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How to tackle teen rage

How to tackle teen rage

How to tackle teen rage - Managing your child's anger and frustration is that the initial step to saving the case from going out of hand. Psychiatrist Dr Harish Shetty tells you the way

 Earlier this month, 16-yearold faculty student, Ansh Agarwal, was killed by his 2 dozen 'friends' who ganged up against him over a petty issue; one that concerned him asking them to prevent sending lewd messages to a woman.

While the most accused, a 17-year-old 'friend' of Ansh, and his friends maintain that their intention wasn't to kill him however solely to show him a lesson, the tragedy has once more place the spotlight on the city's simmering teenage angst. The recent spate of teenagers' murders in Mumbai and elsewhere has sparked alarm in our society. there's lots of concern among families and a growing want to seek out ways that to calm angry youngsters. The solutions are simple to use, provided folks take charge of the case.

Pick early signs
 youngsters indulging in smaller acts of violence at school have to be compelled to be counselled and treated early. Teenagers who lie, bunk categories and obtain concerned in fights are a lot of susceptible to do all of it even once they get older. Interrupting the cycle of violence additionally involves parents' counselling and serving to youngsters learn non-violent strategies of problemsolving and anger management. Teaching youngsters to approach lecturers, parents, counsellors and authorities when wronged, will facilitate forestall disasters. A violent kid isn't dangerous however may very well be unhappy and wish facilitate and support from faculties, families and also the community.

Shock absorbers
 When a 14-year-old boy came home with a broken arm swearing revenge, his folks were worried. Though furious at people who assaulted their son, they calmed him and ensured that his friends weren't instigated to hit back. They filed a grievance with the native police station. The offender was nabbed and sent to the juvenile home.

 However, in another instance, the police allowed a victim's folks to thrash the accused. this will be dangerous because the cycle of violence continues. folks seeking revenge additionally reinforce the assumption within the teenager that may is true and seeking vengeance is legitimate.

 folks ought to act as speed-breakers and absorb their kids' emotional shocks by responding rationally.

 A teenaged lady flew off the handle when her boyfriend dumped her suddenly. She contacted her friends and shared her agony. Her folks kept quiet as they felt she would quiet down during a few days. once they came to me for recommendation, I asked to envision the lady. Seething with rage, she said, "I can kill him or myself." however once she calmed down a little, I asked her to come back back for a lot of sessions. She merely hated 'counselling' and that we simply had conversations each 2 days. In 3 weeks, she may read the case rationally. This lady who had planned to administer 'supari' to damage her boyfriend had begun concentrating on her studies. Adults in families and faculties have to be compelled to facilitate friends or lovers split peacefully when relationships go haywire.

Keep an eye fixed out
 When in turmoil, youngsters confiscate their anger on members of the family. A young boy had been pushing his mother repeatedly for per week, while not provocation. When he sat before me, I learnt that he was being bullied by 2 older youngsters in his faculty. full of rage, he was plotting to induce even. I asked him if he had ever consumed addictive substances. As he admitted to having used weed once or twice, I got his urine tested and it showed positive.

So here was a toddler who was possible to damage others as he was on a mood-altering drug. folks nowadays have to be compelled to keep an eye fixed out on their children's habits and behavior.

 folks should share a detailed relationship with their youngsters in order that they will divulge heart's contents to them. for example, when your teenaged son returns home late in the dark, open the door, hug him and smell him for alcohol. If he is drunk, do not hassle him. When he's during a sensible mood successive day, tell him you're upset.

Go to the basis
 youngsters who play outdoors, and not simply pc games, are less violent. A teenaged lady, addicted to gaming, was deeply sad over the constant humiliation she suffered from her folks and faculty for her poor grades. She began bunking college till she was caught. Forced to depart college, she threw tantrums and was terribly violent for successive 3 months.

 On nearer examination, she was found to own had real learning issues. Once rectified, she became traditional. Unhappiness in youngsters has to be diagnosed and also the cause tackled. youngsters affected by depression and impulsiveness are a lot of susceptible to explosive anger bursts. quick access to disposable money might also result in tough behaviours.

How to tackle teen rage

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How TV makes your child a weakling

How TV makes your child a weakling - More TV viewing for your preschooler means that weakened legs by category two, thicker waist by category four

 New Delhi-based workshop consultant Anjinie Goel still wonders what she was thinking when a year ago, she inspired her son, Kushagra, to observe tv. The active six-year-old was created to observe TV in an endeavor to form him sit still. it had been a tired parent's cop out ploy, admits Goel candidly, however it came at a significant worth. "For twenty days, Kushagra became addicted to tv. He began to lose focus whereas performing tasks, and grew inattentive. I had to finally pull the cable wire and fake it had been burnt, to urge him to prevent watching TV," says the 37-year-old. Kushagra currently watches simply an hour of tv on a daily basis.

Dr Caroline Fitzpatrick, a researcher at the University of Montreal, would approve.

 at the side of researchers Linda Pagani and Tracie Barnett, Fitzpatrick has co-authored a recent study that finds that excessive tv viewing in early childhood ends up in decreased muscular fitness by category two, and increased waist circumference by category four.

 The study checked out one,314 youngsters between two-and-a-half years to four years in Quebec, Canada, who watched concerning 9 hours of tv every week. These youngsters were tracked for seven years. The study found that a child's waist grew by .042 cm (little but [*fr1] a millimeter) for each hour of TV watched. The four-year-olds who watched eighteen hours of tv every week gained an additional zero.3 inches, on their waist by the time they turned ten. Since the chance for obesity may be tracked to middle childhood, a surplus of weight by category four represents a crucial health concern, says Fitzpatrick.

 A two011 Associated Chambers of Commerce study among 2,000 youngsters in eleven Indian cities revealed that fifty two per cent had a TV set in their own rooms. Chandigarh topped the pile, with eighty eight per cent youngsters watching 5 to seven hours of TV every day.

No jumping jack
 Watching additional tv in early childhood is additionally related to an increased likelihood of scoring within the bottom 5 per cent within the standing long jump check, commonly used to live a child's lower body strength. every added hour of tv created youngsters perform concerning .36 centimeters worse on a standing long jump.

 On a Monday morning at the JBCN International college in Borivli, nearly twenty students of sophistication two are undergoing warm-up exercises with their gym instructor, Bhaskar Naidu.

 Across the hall, six-foot long floor mats lie next to every different. Soon, the youngsters are going to be created to perform standing long jumps, to check their explosive leg strength, which, says the study, "contributes to the performance of movements that need speed and power." Naidu attracts a chalk line, asking the second graders to leap across it. Some concerning achieve it, others jump additional. Proud, Naidu smiles.

 primarily based on information compiled by sports management outfit Edusports, a category two student ought to be ready to perform a protracted jump of a minimum of one.3 m (4.2 feet, approximately). The Bengalurubased company started in 2009 teaches gross motor, athletic and sports skills to over one.6 lakh students from KG to category ten, in 225 faculties across seventy Indian cities. youngsters are graded on exercises that check aerobic and anaerobic capability, higher body and lower body strength, and suppleness. a category two student is additionally taught to dribble and throw a ball, hop, flip and twist, balance on one leg, and have correct handeye coordination, through varied games and play equipment. the necessities are primarily based on pointers set by the US-based National Association for Sports and Physical Education.

"In the past 3 years, we've got tracked every student's progress, and primarily based on the information, created norms for every age," says founder Saumil Majumdar. "The fault does not lie with tv alone," says Majumdar. "What are we have a tendency to doing to confirm that youngsters have safe play spaces? The additional they play, the additional simply they'll develop age-appropriate skills and muscle strength."

No one will eat only one
 Dr Paresh Desai, a consulting paediatrician with Saifee and Bhatia hospitals, Mumbai, does not let TV off the hook as simply as Majumdar will.

 What the youngsters watch has the maximum amount impact on their health, says Desai, citing samples of Bollywood stars that endorse chips and colas. "It's not simply junk food, however a junk lifestyle," says Desai, many of whose patients are victims of childhood obesity. "Unhealthy snacks are stacked up in homes, youngsters are inspired to eat in front of the tv, and worse, fed by an adult," says Desai.

 Yet, says JBCN International principal Debika Chatterji, it is not straightforward to manage what quantity time a toddler spends in front of the TV. "The most we are able to do at college is guarantee playtime," she reasons.

 Fitzpatrick but, is obvious that TV viewing time has to be weigh down, before any improvement may be seen among youngsters. "We saw that youngsters who watched TV did not have an excessive amount of time for physical activity. If they're not developing between two-and-a-half and 4 years, it affects their growth, as there's continuity in that behaviour at a later age.

 The waist circumference decreased, when youngsters decreased their TV viewing," she says.

 whereas the counseled TV viewing time is one hour for youths aged 2 and higher than, Fitzpatrick advises oldsters to switch TV time with not simply play, however conjointly mind games like puzzles.

The problem in numbers
 but four-hundredth Indian students possess age-appropriate skills (like jumping one.3m at age 7) five hundredth Indian students do not have age-appropriate BMI (measure of body fat primarily based on a personality's weight and height) within the Quebec study, a child's waist grew by .042 CM for each hour of TV watched.

How TV makes your child a weakling

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Early reading habit prepares kids for school

Early reading habit prepares kids for school - Children whose folks scan frequently to them after they are young, are seemingly to possess higher reading, writing, language and numeracy skills, a landmark study has revealed.

 Such youngsters conjointly perform higher in NAPLAN, that could be a battery of tests administered annually to Australian students. These standardised tests assess students' tutorial skills.

 The survey, conducted by The Australian Institute of Family Studies, found that solid foundations for reading at the ages of 4 and 5 was linked to higher literacy scores.

 Mini-bookworms, who were surrounded by books at home and visited the library, were the simplest off, News.com.au reported.

 though the study addressed youngsters aged four and up, researchers Dr. Killian Mullan and Galina Daraganova claimed that folks will begin on the trail to developing literacy skills from birth.

 The analysis used info from a longitudinal study of nearly 5000 youngsters, using time-diaries after they were aged 4-5 and then 10-11.

 It conjointly evaluated the impact of early reading on NAPLAN scores for regarding [*fr1] the cluster that aged three and five.

 regarding fifty per cent of young youngsters were scan to virtually each day, thirty per cent 3 to 5 times per week, and one in 5 only one or 2 days per week.

 Dr Mullan said the study highlighted the importance of a supportive family setting at an early age.

 "The early home setting is directly necessary to literacy scores in NAPLAN in year three," he said.

Early reading habit prepares kids for school

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Giving massage to your newborn

Giving massage to your newborn - Choosing the proper massage oil is incredibly vital for your baby's comfort

 Keeping your baby's skin moist is incredibly vital. throughout the primary number of months when the baby is born, regular oil massages and bathing are crucial.

 Usually, a masseur for babies is assigned the task in Indian households. However, giving light oil massage and bathing one's own baby lets a mother meet up with to the baby and it feels nice. The satisfaction is intangible.

 Mother-child bond is incredibly special. And obtaining concerned within the child's daily routine solely strengthens the bond.

 If you're confused on that oil to use, the market has all the answers to it. whereas branded baby oils are invariably at your service with brands like Pigeon, Johnson & Johnson, Himalaya, Chicco et al providing baby oils which might be tried. At a similar time grandma's most popular oils like pure sesame and olive oil can also be tried.

 Here are regarding} the way to go about the baby oil

 1. Before making an attempt any baby oil on your baby's skin, simply apply slightly bit on the hand to examine if it's compatible along with your baby's skin.

 2. If your baby develops rashes on the applied patch then avoid the sort of oil. But mostly, most the baby oil brands suit the baby skin.

 3. Gently pour the oil over your baby's abdomen and begin with light strokes. don't place unnecessary force whereas giving the massage. it's not needed.

 4. invariably keep in mind that your baby's comfort level is vital. provide massage solely when your baby is up to it.

 5. Observe your baby's waking up cycle and then want what time you would like to provide massage to your baby. Usually, when an honest massage, babies tend to travel to sleep. thus let your baby get pleasure from an honest sleep when the massage and ones he/she wakes up then opt for giving a shower.

Giving massage to your newborn

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For a good father-daughter relationship

For a good father-daughter relationship - Here are some tips to take care of a healthy father-daughter relationship

1. the primary rule is to be a friend: Treat her as your friend; share thoughts, raise for opinions.

2. Treat your daughter as an equal: don't keep this perspective that she is aware of nothing. kids of late became a lot of wise and grasp what they're doing.

3. Be a mediator: If your daughter is facing issues along with your wife, be there gift as a mediator between the 2 females. Having a male interween somehow settle down problems.

4. Learn to communicate: If you're one amongst people who cannot extremely communicate or emote well, then ought to|you ought to|you must} perhaps should begin by doing little things like serving to her around together with her studies or even once in a very whereas provide her a treat or take her searching.

5. Trust her: When their daughter's are in their teens, father's typically tend to urge over protectiev regarding their very little ladies. This behaviour most frequently than not tends to push the women far from their father's. bear in mind to not be too suspicious regarding your daughter's whereabouts.

6. allow them to be independent: they're now not babies. Let her learn from her own mistakes. Having a healthy discussion regarding such mistakes can create them feel that you just have an interest in their lives and don't wish them to try to to what you would like. Avoid preaching.

7. Love them unconditionally: She is your own daughter. Love her unconditionally notwithstanding she makes mistakes or she isn't the perfect daughter. Your love for her can create her realise herself to create the correct selections in life.

8. settle for her friends: Accepting your daughter's social circle will be slightly troublesome typically. the type of friends she is hanging out with would possibly return as a surprise to most father's.

9. Be patient: Hormones are running wild and therefore can tempers. you wish to curb your temper since she's going to forever be the one who'll be raising her voice. When she sees that you just don't react typically, she's going to herself quiet down in front of you.

10. pay time together: Time is that the greatest bonding component. strive doing what they just like the most and see the distinction. they'll love the manner you're.

For a good father-daughter relationship

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Don’t be a competitive mom

Don’t be a competitive mom - One of the largest characteristic of a doting mother is for her to ascertain her kid be the primary in everything.

 This results in several of them being excessively competitive when raising their kids, constantly comparing him or her to others. Unknowingly, this might result in kids facing excessive pressure when it performing their daily tasks, plus participating in special activities. Here are a couple of ways that to confirm you do not be that competitive mother:

- keep in mind that milestone development is relative. Even Einstein could not speak till he was four, thus there is no actual yardstick to live anything!

 - Avoid turning parenting into a contest. Being a mother is not any competitive race, it's a responsibility and a profession that desires your love, care and special attention. Also, there is no end line!

 - In case you're surrounded by competitive mothers around you, allow them to feel that they're victorious. In that method, you rule out all potentialities of them forcing themselves upon you once more.

 - Be around mothers who are caring and don't cherish petty competitions.

 - Also, keep in mind that it's not a check of your parenting skills, your kid is growing up to face the planet on his or her own capabilities.

Don’t be a competitive mom

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Don't scream at kids for bedwetting

Don't scream at kids for bedwetting - Parents who scream at their youngsters for bedwetting find yourself prolonging the condition. Patience and love is all it takes to form it a 'dry night'

When Uma Poddar, a warden at Visva Bharti hostel in Shantiniketan created a category 5 student drink urine as a cure for bedwetting ten days ago, she invited national outrage. Her 'solution' was no totally different from that utilized by a mother in New Jersey in 1940. Peggy O'Neill, common yankee actor and director Michael Landon's mum, would place out her son's wet sheets on show at the window for all to visualize. Landon would run home daily during a frantic bid to get rid of the sheets before his classmates might spot them.

Punishing a bedwetter is that the commonest mistake oldsters build, says Mumbai-based paediatric nephrologist Dr Pankaj Deshpande. "It's not an absence of effort on a part of the kid that causes him to bedwet. There are variety of things at work that are beyond his management. The bladder has to learn to contain the urine whereas the kid is asleep. simply as you can not teach somebody language during a day, you cannot teach the kid a way to management his bladder during a night," he argues.

While most kids are believed to attain bladder management by the age of 5, twenty per cent youngsters still bedwet even till they're ten years recent. but ten per cent carry the behaviour into their teens. "It gets downsideatic not as a result of it's a medical problem, however owing to the embarrassment related to it," says Deshpande.

Also called primary nocturnal enuresis, bedwetting has been linked to a range of things, including:

Genetics: most kids who wet their bed have a minimum of one parent with an identical history.

Miscommunication between bladder and brain: most kids learn to reply to that click within the brain even when asleep when their bladder is full. If your kid has an 'accident', keep in mind it is not his fault. If it becomes an everyday prevalence, attempt figuring if there's any new stress that has entered his life.

Bladder is functionally untrained: it's unable to recognise the quantity of urine it can be holding. As a result, as soon because it receives intake from the kidneys, it feels full and loosens to eject urine.

Anxiety at play: typically, youngsters who are stressed regarding their studies or are bullied in school tend to bedwet. Sometimes, the birth of a sibling is additionally a reason. "When the older kid senses being missed, he would possibly withdraw into a shell, and find yourself seeking attention from his oldsters. Bedwetting can be a section of this method," says psychiatrist Dr Harish Shetty.

Dealing with it
Deshpande asks if you have ever heard of a young, adult man or lady wetting the bed? "No, right? oldsters got to perceive that bedwetting doesn't last a lifetime. All you would like to try to to is equip yourself in order that you handle it properly," he says. Here's how:

Don't scold, it'll build things worse: Landon is claimed to possess continued to wet his bed until he was fourteen. Clearly, his mother's public humiliation did not work. "Shouting at your kid won't build it stop. it'd cause him to slide into depression, and even lose his appetite," says Shetty. Six months ago, Mumbai-based psychologist Seema Hingorrany encountered an 11-year-old student of sophistication 5, whose mother, a Mumbai-based entrepreneur, would smack him whenever he awakened on a soggy mattress. "The boy was obese, and his mother thought he was being lazy, refusing to get up to pee. once I analysed the case, I realised it absolutely was his social phobia, inferiority complicated and a concern of facing his peers in school, that was resulting in wet nights," says Hingorrany.

Teased with the moniker 'motu', he had grown into a recluse, and was seeking an outlet to precise his anxiety. Hingorrany started with play therapy, asking him to choose up toys and assign them varied roles. "He connected with one among the significant toys, and started narrating his own story and feelings through it. It took over four months for us to assure him that it absolutely was okay for him to precise his inner self. Gradually, his bedwetting decreased," says Hingorrany.

Use a present programme or star chart: Prepare a chart for the week and stick it on your refrigerator. raise your child to mark day by day with a star sticker if he is had a 'dry' night. Let him achieve a target of a minimum of, one star per week. Continue it for 2 or 3 weeks and revise the target to quite one star. Reward your kid with one thing he likes whenever he meets the expectation.

Own up to it: If you're travelling and staying at a hotel or vacationing with friends, do not be embarrassed to share the very fact with them. "It's not a medical downside. Carrying a water-proof overlay to throw over a mattress may be a nice plan," says Shetty.

Strap on a cool watch: many looking portals retail vibrating watches that youngsters will wear to bed. it is a good way to remind your kid to void at fastened intervals (for eg, each 2 hours). It options an auto restart countdown mode that vibrates for twenty seconds at the interval you select.

Don't scream at kids for bedwetting

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It's time to talk 'sex' with kids

It's time to talk 'sex' with kids - You may dread remarking the 'S' word along with your children, however consultants say it's a must-talk-about topic, finds Rachel Fernandes

 'Mum where did I come back from?' that's a standard question that almost all folks face. however it is not the question you wish to target, what is a lot of vital is how, you as a parent, reacted when your kid raiseed you this basic nevertheless terribly complicating question? Did you cringe and say 'Chee do not ask such questions' or tell him/her 'the sensible previous stock dropped you in my lap' story or did you given them a straightforward and sensible answer? consultants vouch for the actual fact that how you answer this all vital question will if truth be told, build quite a life-long impact on your kid.

So what's the correct age to start out talking to your kid concerning sex and precisely what quantity of data do you have to divulge? per Seema Hingorrany, clinical psychologist, folks ought to right from the time the kid is three-and-a-half years previous. "You cannot tell them concerning sex as they'll not be ready to are aware of it. However, right from that tender age, it's totally vital to show them a couple of sensible bit versus a foul one, particularly from known folks and people in shut contact with them," she says. Seema goes on to feature that folks abundant teach their small tots concerning biting their non-public components — that nobody ought to touch them there and in case it happens, that they have to report it immediately to mummy or dad which it's a foul habit to the touch or scratch one's non-public components in public.

 per Swati Popat Vats, president of a preferred education network, the perfect age to initiate a sex conversation is one year before puberty sets in. "Also, even once they are younger, if they raise sex connected queries, answer them merely and albeit, do not trouble concerning technical details. what's most significant isn't say chee or show disgust when the kid asks such queries. this fashion can|you'll|you may} solely reinforce in their minds that sex could be a dirty factor and therefore the child will begin feeling ashamed concerning his or her sexual urges," she explains.
 Most folks are, however, terribly apprehensive and dread the conversation and are over happy to depart the task to some other person, most frequently the child's academics. "Even though folks might not bear in mind of it, youngsters usually discuss concerning sex in their peer teams.

 Hence, they're privy to it. They reason why folks ought to visit youngsters is so they get the correct data and don't seem to be left confused by heresy, or wrong data from the internet" says Swati. Seema adds that almost all folks tend to urge hyper once they got to have 'the talk' with children. "Maintain your tone and maintain eye contact," she says.

 the foremost vital factor to recollect is to stay the conversation straightforward and understandable. per consultants, a five-year-old is told that s/he came out from mummy's tummy and show them footage of a baby within the womb. A seven-year-old is told concerning how an egg, that came from papa, got planted in mummy's tummy and then became him/her and came out once 9 months. for kids between eleven and thirteen years ancient, consultants say, it's fine for fogeys to clarify the fundamental ideas of sex. for teenagers over fourteen, however, it's vital to clarify the term sex clearly as well as conception and contraception.

Queenie, mother to 15-year-old Tiara and 12-year-old Rajveer says that though she hasn't spoken to them directly concerning sex, she keeps telling them concerning real life stories and relate them to numerous sexual terms. "As folks, we'd all prefer to believe that out children are sensible and spoken well. however there are lots of outdoor influences that are beyond our management. Hence, I build it a degree to obviously justify the fundamental ideas to my children," she adds.

 Pooja Bedi, meanwhile, says that, right from a young age itself, she has taught her children, 12-year-old Aliya and 10-year-old Omar, a way to differentiate a right bit from a wrong one. "More importantly, I told them that it's never their fault which they ought to come back and tell me concerning it immediately and that i can make sure that it will not happen once more," she adds. concerning the particular speak, she says she'll ought to broach it along with her daughter in a couple of years time. "Right currently she is within the whole anti-boys part," she says laughing.

 Seema concludes saying that when the kid broaches some sex connected topic, folks should treat it as an everyday conversation. 'Tell them that it's traditional for them to feel confused concerning sex at that age. do not blame them or accuse them. this may solely cause your kid to develop a concern concerning sex and that is not one thing you would like happening," she says.

It's time to talk 'sex' with kids

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Making career compromises as a mother

Making career compromises as a mother - Despite all the analysis on how men are as capable of parenting as ladies, which each partners ought to be equals in a very relationship and share the responsibility of kid rearing, the very fact is that it's nearly always the lady who is predicted to form career sacrifices and specialize in the child's growing up.

Whether you attribute it to culture, nature, nurture or traditions, the fact is that several ladies are typically rueful of the very fact that their years invested in gaining higher education solely ended up with them as skilled diaper changers which they never need to realise their career potential or maybe achieved it at the value of compromising on parenting. It's unhappy as a result of each ways are riddled with guilt and a way of frustration. I personally assume the key's perspective. If you're aware that it's expected of you to be a hands-on full-time parent then have kids solely once you are prepared for that commitment or create it clear upfront that career terribly important} and discuss sharing the parenting job very clearly.

 Parenting could be a full-time job. from time to time it would appear overwhelming, arduous, lacking in appreciation, monotonous, etc., however keep in mind, you'd expertise a similar emotions even in your workplace. If you have committed to being a parent, do it wholeheartedly. create daily a challenge to bring a lot of excitement, experiences, laughter into everyone's lives and to be ready to relive your childhood in some ways through them. create weekly video diaries for everybody to kid and watch it along thirty years later, or be the official family photographer and capture each memorable moment, each expression, each section, and each look. do not simply place them on the ferris wheel or within the swimming pool, do it with them. If you have launched into the journey, fancy it to its fullest potential. it isn't simply a job; it's a chance to own the most effective time of your life in a very role you'll never be fired from. You did not quit your career; you opted for one that provides you 'love currency'.

I have been in a very serious relationship for four years currently. Careerwise, i would like to explore my choices abroad, however my boyfriend hasn't taken my call well. He feels i do not feel as strongly for him to let distance come back between us. How do I convince him that it's not true?
 If he feels you do not feel strongly regarding him why is he holding onto you within the initial place? Tell him it's solely as a result of you recognize the connection is powerful that you simply are taking this call. After all, if a relationship is not durable once four years, what are the possibilities it'll ever be. In fact, flip the tables and tell him that if he really loves you, he would wish you to understand all of your dreams which it's currently, quite ever, that you simply would like his love and support which you'd do a similar for him if he were to follow his dreams.

I am a mother of 2, and that i took a sabbatical from work to boost my kids. it's been an exquisite journey little question, however I miss operating. we do not have a support system within the town with whom I will trust my youngsters, and thus my husband is not keen that i purchase back to work? I actually have been feeling miserable ever since...
 I perceive the necessity to stay those juices flowing, thus work out one thing that you simply will do from home for whereas|a short time|a minute|a moment|a jiffy|a short while} until your kids are the right age to travel to high school and then begin a part-time job while they're away in school. Alternately, do some attention-grabbing correspondence courses from home that will enhance your work potential and keep abreast of all the happenings in your field of interest. it'll be of immense worth to you when your youngsters are older and you are doing go back to into your required avenue of labor. See this section as an investment time into your youngsters and yourself too.

I am in a very relationship with the person i like and wished to be with. we've been in a very relationship for a year currently and set to induce married as we tend to each are twenty eight years previous that we tend to feel is an age to relax. we tend to were honest to every different until recently, she told me one thing that she ought to have at the beginning of our relationship. She said that she got married to somebody when she turned eighteen and her wedding lasted solely 3 months. i used to be shocked and asked her on why she lied to me? She cried and said she did not wish to inform me as a result of she was scared i would leave her. we tend to are still along however I actually have random negative thoughts and feel like she trapped me in her love. am i able to trust her or ought to I move on?
 In that case she is true. you'd have left her if you'd have known this earlier. She wished you to like her for herself and not be clouded by her circumstances. little question what she hid are a few things that ought to are shared, however keep in mind, you did not verify, she told you. What upsets you is that she did not tell you earlier. What you would like to work out is whether or not the person and therefore the love you each share is a lot of necessary than the divorcee tag she carries along with her.

I am an 18-year-old lady and that i sort of a guy much however he is my brother's friend. Obviously, its terribly troublesome on behalf of me to approach him. i'm not in any respect in abundant talking terms with him. however i do know his nature through my brother. Secondly, by gauging this circumstances, I feel that there's nothing from his facet however somewhere down the road, I feel that in future we tend to might get entangled as we've plenty in common. however generally i purchase confused as a result of my male friends typically tell me that i'm simply dreaming regarding things while not taking a step and in flip spoiling my life. My folks are open minded however my brother is unpredictable. What do I do?
 he isn't interested, you discover it troublesome to approach him and your brother is unpredictable. Wow! that is a possible combination for disaster. If you approach him and he rejects you, you lose him, and if your brother finds out regarding any of this, you'd cause him to lose an exponent too. i believe it's best to remain far from this one.

Making career compromises as a mother

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Is your child depressed?

Is your child depressed? - Day once news of six Kalina ladies in a very runaway pact came to light-weight, psychiatrist Dr Harish Shetty explains how oldsters will tell if their youngsters are nervy

 The recent episode of ladies running removed from their homes has shocked families and every one involved. These acts are 'warning bells' of the plight of youngsters within the new age where price of living and aspirations have rocketed sky high. Peer pressure and a typical thread of pain running across a bunch of children will be dangerous. Such acts have warning signs that are typically ignored or missed. Early identification of those signs is very important. They are:
'I don't like my house'

 kids who utter statements like, 'I don't like my house', 'my home is tiny, my friends have larger homes' shouldn't be ignored. When repeated they're symptoms of a much bigger malaise. oldsters themselves have to be compelled to respect their surroundings as they're. When the fogeys settle for the state of affairs kids are in a very higher state to just accept their surroundings. When one parent constantly criticizes the opposite and blames him/her for the plight the kid internalizes constant 'low self esteem' state. Remarks like, 'you haven't achieved something in such a big amount of years in Mumbai' will instill dissatisfaction among kids. Acceptance of life because it could be and nonetheless intending to move is a sensible angle to observe.

'My friends tease me and that i feel small'

 When kids frequently share that their friends tease them one has to take notice. several kids be a part of others within the same state and share their frustrations which will facilitate. sometimes the frustration might mount in a very cluster that feels cornered and perceives deprivation. Encourage the kid to share such feelings in an surroundings of trust and complete acceptance. conjointly facilitate the kid to method these thoughts. kids ought to be allowed to mirror at these sentences and slowly they understand that people who tease and bully suffer from a deep sense of inferiority themselves. Conversations around their assets and talents facilitate veer them from external sources of self-worth to internal resources. Gadgets are temporary and may be acquired these days or tomorrow whereas the kid himself/herself is that the best gadget the universe has created sinks in as respectful conversations continue. When my son wished a gadget that I felt was of not a lot of use we have a tendency to had a series of conversations across years. He continued holding on to his position however the conversations helped bonding.

'I feel guilty as my oldsters are operating thus hard'

 several kids feel guilty as they can not earn cash for the family. sometimes oldsters unknowingly provoke guilt once they share their money plight. One young lady stayed away in a very park for 2 nights once hearing from the daddy that milk prices rupees fifty a liter and one guava prices rupees ten and the way troublesome it's to run the household. On the contrary oldsters ought to take the assistance of youngsters to arrange the family budget and expenses. When youngsters contribute to the choice creating of the family they empathize genuinely and become a part of the answer. When youngsters obtain vegetables and do household work the bonding is immense. kids who are a district of the answer of issues within the family stay grounded and are freed from guilt.

'My friend is thus daring and that i like his/her ideas'

It may happen that one among the {children} within the cluster could be a charismatic child and a counselor to the opposite. S/he is also dissatisfied and disgruntled herself/himself and will influence the others in a very similar plight. thus when kids share glories of a devotee enable the kid to speak feelings and thoughts. Improving emotional contact time within the family and in class helps kids break the conspiracy of silence and share potential running away behaviors or different undesirable behaviors. A family that shares its feelings will preempt and anticipate behavioral disasters.

'I am terribly depressed'

 kids who run away is also tormented by depression and will be screened for constant. people who have absconded ought to be treated with infinite compassion and counseling. Viewing it as shameful is dangerous and oldsters who blame one another might any destroy the conceit of the kid. kids might show excessive anger, laziness, excessive disappointment, sleep issues, excessive tiredness and will feel hopeless and worthless. they have to be evaluated by a mental health skilled at the earliest.

Is your child depressed?

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Do you love your sibling?

Do you love your sibling? - Take this quiz to search out out whether or not there is a would like for you to boost your relationship together with your sibling

If you and your sibling are invited to a celebration. You would...
A. Go alone. Why will she ought to be with me everywhere that i select to go?
B. escort her, however then hang around together with your own bunch of buddies at the party.
C. Be spending all our time along.

If your sibling gets compliments for his outfit, you would ...
A. strive your best to alter the subject. He invariably desires everyone's attention.
B. Feel smart regarding it and take part.
C. Cheer him on and check that everybody says one thing complimentary.

Your sibling asks you to possess lunch together with her. What would you do?
A. Find, or invent, some extraordinarily urgent work and tell her that you are too busy.
B. comply with go if you're up to it.
C. Of course, you'll escort her albeit you've got dangerous tummy and a high fever.

You are out looking together with your sibling, and he chooses one thing that does not suit him. You would...
A. Let him obtain it simply to be mean.
B. provide your honest opinion, however let him create the ultimate call for himself.
C. Never say something to harm him.

Your sibling is alone whereas you're going out?
A. that is not your worry or concern.
B. you'd raise if she wants something or if she would love to hitch you.
C. you'd hastily cancel all of your plans and keep by her aspect.

Mostly A:
You have issues that require to be sorted out. If your sibling feels constant approach regarding you then you actually have to be compelled to take a step to salvage your relationship.
Mostly B:
You have a healthy relationship together with your sibling. It additionally implies that you're pretty assured regarding yourself and are secure regarding your relationship.
Mostly C:
You appear to be too hooked in to your sibling. Your opinions and selections might not invariably be constant, however that does not mean your relationship is suffering.

Do you love your sibling?

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Treat your kids this summer

Treat your kids this summer - Summer's here and children are a thrilled ton with the vacations. kids have an infinite want list for the vacations — short visits, no curfew on TV time, heaps and plenty of chocolates, delicious junk food, video games and various outside fun.

 But, with the sun out in full swing, you'd rather keep the kids indoors. Here could be a list of some must-watch kids movies that you simply will get hold of and create your summer kid's film competition at home!

Kung Fu Panda
 The visually arresting film was rated because the image that 'provides a master course in crafty visual art and ultra-satisfying entertainment'. good children|for teenagers|for youths} right? The animated action sequences can surely have kids soliciting for a lot of.

The Lion King
 This film could be a visual treat for each child who loves the king of the forest. With spectacular visuals and catchy music, particularly Elton John's are you able to feel the love tonight..., The Lion King is actually a movie that the children would like to watch once more and once more.

Mouse Hunt
 most children who watch the Tom and Jerry cartoon series have a soft corner for Jerry, the mouse. However, likelihood is that that they will have a modification of heart when watching Mouse Hunt. With its distinctive plot, the film's bound to offer children a fun time.

Baby's time out
 it's amusing riot throughout. Baby Bink's initial exposure to the unhealthy world outside and also the means he overcomes them with ease is fun and creates a positive impact. better part is that the film are often watched and enjoyed by the complete family. not a soul will watch it simply once!

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
 This whimsical movie musical could be a good mix of journey and fantasy. With nice background score and a few catchy songs, the film is fascinating enough to stay children glued to their seats.

Harry Potter series
 maybe each child's dream to travel on a movie watching spree with the Harry Potter films. the fictional plot has fascinated children of all ages. The lighting tricks are a visible treat.

Home Alone series
 this can be pure fun material. It's each kid dream to own the house to himself for each day. Home alone are going to be a dream come back true for them. The comic sense is superb and therefore is that the storyline. The sequence of events can hold the interest of youngsters until the top. it is a fashionable Christmas time movie abroad. The slapstick humour is enjoyable.

Spiderman
 children are continuously fascinated by saving heroes. Their definition of hero is somebody who has supernatural powers. Spiderman, Batman, He-man and our own Shaktimaan have continued to fascinate children for many years currently. With the web-swinging fun, Spiderman is a tremendous film for people who like to play saviours.

Toy Story series
 This animated comedy film was most talked concerning for its witty plot and use of innovative techniques. If you'll get the 3D version, then it's all the higher. you'll boost the fun with some pop corn and fruit juice.

Ice Age series
 children will relax watching Ice age. Though the three-part series is weak on logic, there are enough funny lines to evoke laughs from the viewers.

Anjali
 one in all Mani Ratnam's masterpieces, Anjali could be a heart hotter. nice story, pretty children, heart warming consequences and a dose of sci-fi within the song magic journey, Ilaiyaraaja's music — the movie could be a must-watch for each child.

Tare Zameen Par
 Worry concerning your child's unhealthy grades? Then this can be an ideal movie to spice up your morale and keep your child motivated. an excellent plot and a few touching scenes, most children will relate to the character of Ishan within the film. a requirement look forward to all people who want to let their children pursue their passion.

The Jungle Book
 Who will forget Mowgli and his friends? The movie is an adaptation of the book by a similar name authored by Rudyard Kipling. It's mystical, it's magical and most curiously it's set in India!

Treat your kids this summer

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Easy Organizing Tips for Outside Parties

Easy Organizing Tips for Outside Parties - When it involves organizing a successful out of doors party, the key is to permit your friends and relatives to fancy the gorgeous out of doors setting, whereas conjointly creating them feel like they are really indoors. Utilize the following tips to permit you to arrange an amazing out of doors party this heat weather season.

Get Rid of the Pests

In terms of managing bugs throughout an out of doors party, citronella candle lights actually are a must have. merely set an enormous one, or a handful of smaller ones, on all dining tables or perhaps below benches, to assist you scare away pesky insects.

To keep the food safe and afar from pests, keep it in coated storage containers or utilize a well-liked netted food dome. For people who have a difficulty with ants crawling up the legs of your tables, merely place every table leg in to a bit container of water and therefore the dilemma are going to be solved.

Outdoor Drink and Food Alternatives
The simplest thanks to serve your meal throughout an out of doors party or event is on paper plates or with plastic non-reusable cups. Yet, if you intend on entertaining scaled-down teams outdoors frequently, you'll wish to take a position in reusable plastic dinnerware. These forms of plates and cups tend to be fabricated from laborious plastic and are available in attention-grabbing, radiant colours.

If you would like to induce ultra artistic, you'll be able to use out of doors accessories to serve the food. as an example, a current clay flowerpot is a superb thanks to serve potato chips or pretzels. Additionally you'll be able to organize forks and spoons in quaint Mason jars, or perhaps build use of them to serve your beverages in. the bottom of clay pots might also be a superb choice for serving dips and different attention-grabbing foods.

When selecting an out of doors menu, remember to choose easy foods which may endure heat. Chips, veggies and varied easy finger foods are nice selections to travel beside grilled foods like cheese burgers and hot dogs. must you select serve potato salad and different foods that ought to be chilled, merely purchase a number of massive steel bowls, fill all of them with ice and float the containers in them.

Outside Sitting

If you intend to try to to lots of backyard entertaining, the simplest thanks to make sure you have enough seats is to form picket bench seats on your deck. However, the bulk of individuals do not have the valuable time or money for this. Consequently, gathering plastic deck chairs or stools works equally well. If you're having a bigger party, it's potential to rent chairs and furniture from an area party rental store, also.

Easy Organizing Tips for Outside Parties

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To stay or not to stay at home

To stay or not to stay at home - To work or keep home — that is a call many ladies ought to create when they've had a baby. to make sure that their kid is well taken care of, several mothers opt to keep home.

On the contrary, a study by yank Psychological Association points out, operating mothers may very well be those who are comfortable at raising kids compared to those that keep at home. The study conjointly reported that operating mothers enjoyed higher health, lesser signs of depression and contributed a lot of to a child's overall learning opportunities. the women in Pune voice their opinions on identical.

Not true
 Stay-home mums are those who got to jettisoning of their ambitions and wishes so as to require care of their kid, say a few. Actor Manini Mishra says, "The mother who stays home rather than operating sacrifices her aspirations and career to make sure that her kid is well taken care of. it's rough to remain home, take care of the house and conjointly lookout of the kid." Manini feels that stay-home mums contribute the maximum amount as a operating mother will or even perhaps a lot of.

Absolutely right
 girls are known to be smart at multitasking, imply others. Multi-tasking directly relates a lot of potency. Actor Poonam Dhillon explains, "Working girls are continually a lot of capable and are smart at multi-tasking. operating mums place in an exceedingly ton a lot of effort to make sure they get to pay some quality time with their kids too. This contributes to the general development of the kid."

SOS Mummy!
 Actor Smita Jaykar feels that stay-home mums create their kids addicted to them for everything. She explains, "Stay-home mums tend to spoon-feed their kids. This curbs their independence." Smita conjointly says she finds that her kids are plenty a lot of freelance than most youngsters their age.

Not applicable
 a couple of others are of the opinion that since these studies are conducted abroad, they need no relevance in India. Actor Renuka Shahane stresses on the health side. "This study doesn't hold smart for the ladies in India. whether or not a lady {is operating|is functioning} or not working, her work pressure remains identical. within the west, once girls are back home, they relax and rejuvenate. that's not the case here. a lady has got to handle such a large amount of a lot of things here, which may lead to plenty of stress," she explains.

Work is happiness
 Personal happiness is usually a driving force whereas taking crucial choices, feel others. Actor Manjari Phadnis elaborates, "The mothers who keep at home tend to centre their lives around their kids. operating mothers, on the opposite hand, learn to manage home and career and do each well. And managing them each offers them a way of accomplishment."

Don't worry, be happy
 Film-maker Chitra Palekar feels that's 'no such issue as this is often higher than that'. "If you're able to pay quality time along with your kid, then nothing find it irresistible. Being happy and also the providing the area your kid wants is that the thanks to go regarding it." As long as each the mother and kid are happy, it's sure to contribute to the expansion of the kid.

To stay or not to stay at home

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No such thing as the perfect mom

No such thing as the perfect mom - British psychologist busts myths on good and bad mothers, offering us a different paradigm to understand why our moms are the way they are.

 What kind of a mother do you have?" asks Dr Terri Apter, psychologist, writer and tutor at Newnham College, Cambridge on the phone from her office in Cambridge, UK. In her new book, Difficult Mothers, Apter explores how mothers can influence our behaviour and offers tips on how to deal with controlling, angry, hypercritical, and emotionally unavailable ones. "I had a difficult mother, but I learnt to deal with her outbursts. I would dread to fail to please her. A mother-child love can be a huge emotional thing. A good relationship with a mother is a buffer against inevitable disappointments," says Apter, whose last book, The Sister Knot, was a finalist for Books for a Better Life Award 2008.

 Research led Apter to discover that 20 per cent of parent/child relationships are characterised by difficult relationships. According to data from larger studies focusing on attachment, the percentage of difficult relationships is higher — closer to 30 per cent. "I looked at outlying cases, but the number of individuals who have these difficult experiences is high, and too often they are silenced by the cultural idealisation of mother's love. A child does not need a perfect mother. It's helpful for a child to realise that even in close relationships there is conflict," she says.

The Indian mother syndrome

 "We all know of the Indian mother syndrome," says Apter. "She needs to oversee everything her child does in order to be a success and a credit to the family. The successes of the child belong to her rather than an expression of what it wants to do. She will not listen to what her child wants, but will only be guided by what she wants for her child."

 Yet, says Apter, this kind of behaviour — which falls under the controlling mother category — is not culture specific. Control is expressed in different ways in different cultures. She gives the example of the controlling mothers who learn not to be controlling in Gurinder Chadha's 2002 film Bend it like Beckham. Both, the British and the Indian moms have fixed ideas of what's best for their daughters, "but the Indian mom learns to listen to her daughter and allow her daughter to express her own needs," explains Apter.

The problem with idealising motherhood

 "Idealising a mother is a way of saying that she should be all-loving and always available. The other side to this idealisation is demonisation, when we believe that a mother who is not always loving or attentive or kind is a bad mother," says Apter. Once again, these idealisations follow different norms depending on the culture, even if certain qualities are universally agreed upon.

 Apter offers a different model. "Instead of thinking in terms of good and bad mothers, it is more psychologically apt to think in terms of good-enough mothers and difficult mothers."

 "A good-enough mother is a mother with whom a child finds more comfort than pain," says Apter, whereas a difficult mother "is someone, who presents her child with a dilemma. It's like, she wants to maintain a relationship with the child on her own terms, or else the child would suffer ridicule, disapproval or rejection." Apter describes some of the difficult mothers and the dilemmas they unwittingly pose to their children, and how to deal with them effectively.

Narcissistic mother

 A narcissistic mother's dilemma, says Dr Terri Apter is, "Either submit to my needs or be the target for my disappointment and derision." If you have lived with a narcissistic mother, then you are likely to have adapted either by some form of appeasement or by rebellion. This mother feels her kids need to be worthy of being her kids. She craves attention and love. Children often placate a narcissistic mother's fury and selfdoubt; or, they shore up her belief in her superiority; or, they lay their own hard-won successes before her as tributes.

Deal with it

 Becoming a proxy for her is a difficult double act. You have to shine, but you cannot outshine her. You have to take centrestage, but you cannot ignore her. Always make a list of your own victories and don't let anyone take your high moments away from you.

Angry mother

 The central dilemma of an angry mother is, "Respect my anger and see it as justified. If you try to protect yourself against it, then the relationship will become even more difficult." Sons and daughters who describe a parent's anger as unpredictable, feel constantly wrong-footed and constrained; yet, they also feel angry themselves, and wish their anger had power to do damage. A child can be overshadowed by unnecessary stress and fear. They may constantly placate others, or they may withdraw themselves from every conflict, because they expect every expression of difference or displeasure to escalate.

Deal with it

 It's important to realise that some of the management strategies we adopt may be beneficial to dealing with other people and some may inhibit us. Children who deal with an angry mom need to be diplomatic, but not too pleasing; that would make them fake.

Emotionally negligent mother

 This is the modern-day mother, who maybe highly successful and busy, or she maybe going through her own emotional trauma. The dilemma posed by emotional neglect is, "Accept that I cannot respond to you, or see me destroyed by your demands." A son or daughter who has experienced this kind of difficult relationship may think that their role is to regulate other people's emotions, protect them from despair, and see their own needs as unimportant. In this situation, the child becomes the nurturer, and is more grown-up.

Deal with it

 Living with 'difficult' people can help us become better at dealing with others, but it's all too easy to allow an emotionally unavailable mother to take over huge amounts of your time and energy. Start to question some of the ways you behave and create new experiences where you don't have to be the comforter.

Controlling mother

 This type of mother likes to take control of everything. A child's experience of such a mother is less about love and care, and more about rage, suspicion and criticism. Some controlling mothers believe that to raise a child to thrive in their culture, they must take control of them. This may lead her to become the "tiger mother" who pushes them to excel; or it may lead her to be the over-protective mother who shields her child from all outside influences. Children of controlling parents can become distrustful of their own needs and opinions. Even simple independent decisions can fill them with anxiety. They also learn to lie — to say what the controlling mother wants to hear — in order to keep her happy.

Deal with it

 Sharing your worries will help you identify how difficult the relationship was and how it has affected you. However, going back to basics and identifying what you want and what you think in all areas of your life will help too. Take time to listen to yourself.

Jealous mother

 A jealous mother presents the dilemma, "I will love you only if you do not develop skills and talents that threaten me." This mother doesn't like her child's confidence and is trying to put her down constantly. Mother's envy is a common trait but needs to be dealt with. Sons and daughters of an envious mother may see success as dangerous to close relationships. As children, they are often confused as to what is expected. Inevitably, they receive mixed messages. They try to please her by meeting her standards, only to discover she is angry at them for meeting these standards. Once they realise the underlying patterns, they may find ways of becoming high achievers, but they try to hide from others the extent of their abilities and successes.

Deal with it

 There's a good side — your mother's dissatisfaction may make you a high achiever. But don't let her damage your self-esteem or make you seek constant approval.

No such thing as the perfect mom

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Good if kids start school late

Good if kids start school late - Starting school at seven can improve children's grasp of reading at the end of primary education, researchers have revealed. An analysis of pupils in New Zealand found that pupils kept out of formal schooling until the age of seven perform just as well as those subjected to normal lessons at five, but in some assessments of reading skills, those with a later start actually overtook their peers by the age of 10.

Academics suggested that infants given more time to naturally develop their language skills in the early years had a better foundation when they started conventional tuition at seven, the Telegraph reported.

 The study, published in the journal Early Childhood Research Quarterly, found that children who begin decoding words later than their peers can "eventually achieve equally in reading fluency".

 "Our findings suggest that success at reading is not assured by an earlier beginning," it said.

 For the study, academics from Regensburg University in Germany and Otago University in New Zealand tracked hundreds of children who started formal schooling at different ages.

 This includes those who joined conventional New Zealand state schools at five and others from progressive Steiner schools, who are allowed to delay formal tuition until seven.

 The second group remained in Steiner nurseries for two more years, where written language is banned to encourage the development of oral communication and children spend time on play-based activities, such as painting, drawing, cooking, singing or oral storytelling, the study said.

 Children were given reading tests at different stages during the first six years of their primary education to assess their ability to decode individual words and fluently read a passage of text.

 The study, led by Dr Sebastian Suggate, found that those learning to read later had caught up by the age of 10 and actually had "slightly better reading comprehension" before the end of primary education.

 "Instead of focusing on developing decoding-related skills between the ages of five and seven, and in the first years of school, it may be that the environments in the Steiner kindergartens favoured language development, which later feeds into reading comprehension," said the research.

Good if kids start school late

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Talking to your kids about sex?

Talking to your kids about sex? - Though every parent's nightmare, it's none-the-less that one ultra important conversation that every parent just has to have with their children. What? The talk about sex, puberty and sexually related nitty-gritties.Ask any child expert and they will not be able to emphasise enough on how important it is for parents to talk to their children about sex, and at an early age itself. Why? So that the misconceptions they develop about the subject, especially from peer group conversations and information gained from the Internet and television, can indeed lead to wrong notions about sex and sexuality. Children are naturally curious about their own bodies and this curiosity is healthy and normal.

Unfortunately, talking to your tiny tots about sex is never an easy task. Moreover, it's not comfortable for any of the parties involved — parents are afraid of it and children, mortified by it. That's probably the reason why this talk is often delayed, swept under the carpet or totally ignored with many parents who instead depend on teachers to do the needful. Children are an inquisitive lot and when it comes to sex, the curiosity levels zooms up quite a few notches. Hence, one cannot turn a blind eye and hope someone else does the 'dirty work'. Parents need to be proactive in talking to their children about sex. However, if done wrongly, it can either scare your child completely or just increase their curiosity even more.

 "When you're talking to your child about sex, it has to be a very clinical talk, very matter of fact. Don't use any words or phrases that may indicate that it is something dirty or a taboo act. Also, don't talk about a gender bias. Avoid sentences like 'women always do this...' or 'men always do...'," says child psychologist Bela Raja.
 According to her, the kind of sex talk parents have with their children depends on the age group of the child as at each different age, different things are to be said to a child.

 For a child between the age group of seven to 10 years, the sex talk should emphasise on the commitment and bonding angle. "Since this is his/her first exposure to sex, talk to your child about how sex is a natural process and a part of the body. Tell them about the beauty of relationships but don't bring up the violence or rape angle," Bela advices.

 If your child is aged between 10 years to 13 years, it is the right age to describe the biological facts and of course, the emotional angle. "Link your sex talk to the biological changes that they are experiencing in their body," Bela says.

 For a 15 year old, however, she says, the emphasis must be on explaining the actual act of intercourse. "More importantly, explain that sex is not something to be used for any kind of gain or as a sign of power," Bela adds.
 "The most important thing when talking to your child about sex is to not make it sound like a bad thing or a taboo," says child expert, Dr Nirmala Rao. According to her, most parents feel shy about talking to their children about sex thus leading to wrong concepts. "One must remember, children are very imaginative. If the concept itself is wrong, they will either get scared about sex or extra imaginative about it. Hence, be normal and casual when talking about sex. Explain, as naturally as possible, about anatomy and the related changes," she explains.

As kids grow, so does their curiosity, especially about sex. "So when your talking to your six or seven year old about his or her private parts, don't say things like 'chee, it's dirty', 'don't touch it, it's a sin'. Instead, tell them about the functions of these parts and teach them how to keep it clean just as you would tell them to wash their hands of feet," she says.

 According to her, young girls need to be told about puberty and the changes it will bring in the body. "Teach them how to differentiate between a good touch and a bad touch. But don't petrify them that every man is just out to get them. For boys, meanwhile, fathers should talk to them about sexual organs, their growth and things like night emissions. When it first happens, the child may get scared or start feeling guilty. Explain to them that it is a natural growth process," she explains.

 Make the talk easier
Start early: You'll find it less awkward if you introduce the topic when your child is very young. More importantly, answer questions simply and naturally, don't beat around the bush and use complicated or cliched metaphors.

Use everyday situations to start conversations: TV programmes are often a good opportunity to initiate the talk about sex. You can also talk when you're doing an activity together like washing up, laundry, a jigsaw puzzle, etc. This makes your child feel that sex is a normal part of family life and not a taboo subject.

Talking to your kids about sex?

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Protect your child from sexual abuse

Protect your child from sexual abuse - Our expert tells you how to protect your child from sexual abuse and cope with it. With increasing reports of child abuse, parents and guardians need to take a few elementary precautions and safeguard kids from becoming victims. And if anything unfortunate occurs, it is always better to spot the abuse symptoms at the earliest and put the child at ease.

Clinical psychologist Salma Prabhu says the first step is to explain the difference between good touch and bad touch. She says, "A bad touch isn't restricted to contact with private parts. It refers to anything that the child is not comfortable with; like cheek-pulling or a kiss on the face. The child must be taught to refuse this politely, as many wellmeaning aunties pull their cheeks affectionately. The parents must teach the child to create an alarm and run away from the place. There may be a few false alarms, but those risks have to be taken. If such an incident happens, say in school, then school authorities have to be informed. It is always safe to stick to the golden rule of not letting children talk to strangers."

Defining sexual abuse
 Child sexual abuse is not limited to engaging a child in a sexual act or inappropriate physical contact, but it also involves showing a child an adult's genitals or making a child watch a sexual act or pornographic material. From self-loathing depression to dysfunctional sexual intimacy, sexual abuse during childhood can scar an individual for life in many ways. Take precautions when children are around two years old and start going to play school, says Prabhu.

No reservations
 The government's first national study on child abuse in 2007 showed that 53.22 per cent of the children surveyed across India reported one or more forms of sexual abuse. The study also confirmed our worst fear - a pervert relative abusing the child. 50 per cent of the abusers were known to the child or are in a position of trust and responsibility and most children had not reported the matter to anyone, the study found. Prabhu agrees that often a relative gets away with sexual abuse as the child is hesitant to talk about it.

 "Lack of communication is the biggest drawback. The most crucial thing is to win a child's trust. So parents must take the effort to communicate in such a reassuring manner that the child feels comfortable to talk about everything; including their boyfriend/girlfriend," Prabhu says. If a child tells her parents about her friend who has a boyfriend and the parents ask her to stop hanging out with her, then that would be breaking the communication, she adds. "It gives the child a reason to work around things without keeping the parents in the loop. Parents must realise that friends, other than the family, are a very integral part of an individual's life."

 Prabhu says that parents need to begin educating their children about sex from an early age, so that they can tackle sex pests better. "Educating your child about sex is a gradual, evolving process and considering the child's age and when you think she is ready, you should answer her curious questions. A lot depends on how well you have honed your communication with the child. It is high time parents quit being in denial. If parents feel awkward, they must consult their family doctor to help them discuss it."

Dealing with abuse
 If the child falls prey to sexual abuse, then the family should avoid talking about it as that would only hurt the child further. Instead, take the child to a therapist. "The first symptom is that the child turns very quiet. He/ she will refuse to eat and will start losing weight. So, if this child doesn't open up at all to the parents, then the counsellor enters the picture." In such a situation, children should be allowed to cry their heart out, Prabhu says.

 After building a rapport with the child, therapists then use psychological tools like:

Play therapy
 Play therapy helps children cope with emotional stress or trauma, by allowing them to alter the world on a smaller platform - through their toys. When children play in a certain manner with certain toys, they play out their feelings so that they can deal with them.

 When a therapist absorbs what the child feels, the child begins to free its repressed thoughts.

Projective techniques
 Projective techniques such as the Rorschach or the human figure drawings help detect child sexual abuse. In a Rorschach ink blot test, a child is asked what the ten ink blots on white backgrounds 'look like' and why. Human figures help children express complicated feelings that may be hard to express. For instance, a sexually abused child will focus on genitalia in his or her drawings unlike a normal child.

Cat
 The Children's Apperception Test is a projective test for measuring the personality traits and attitudes of children (aged 3-10), other than assessing psycho-sexual conflicts during a child's growing up. Flashing a series of pictures, the child is asked to describe the situations and weave stories around the people or animals in the pictures.

Protect your child from sexual abuse

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